Deciding To Rekindle An Old Flame?

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How to Decide if You Should Rekindle an Old Flame
Relationships can be tough and sometimes they end without you having fully explored their potential. Perhaps you have recently come in contact with an ex or have just been thinking about them lately and are considering reaching out. Rekindling an old relationship can be successful depending upon both parties compatibility and mindset, but the new relationship may also end the way your previous one did. Before you reach out or respond to an ex, however, assess your feelings logically and then make the decision that is best for you.

1. Decide if you are acting out of loneliness. Sometimes, your
feelings for your ex may never have gone away and your desire to reach out to them may come from that.

However, there are other times when you might feel the need to reach out to an ex because you are lonely, heard a certain song, or saw a movie that reminded you of them. Whatever the case, you should never rehash old feelings out of loneliness.[1

  • If your feelings and thoughts of them have been persisting for a while, then your desire to reach out may be beyond loneliness and is worth considering.
  • If you are simply desiring physical or romantic companionship, however, avoid contacting or responding to an ex. Doing so will only drudge up unnecessary feelings.

    2. Reflect on your relationship and why it ended. Sometimes, relationships end in confusion, without either party having fully explored their feelings. However, sometimes they end definitively, such as when one party is unfaithful or abusive. In thinking back on your relationship, be very honest with yourself and avoid seeing it with rose colored glasses.[2]

    • If your relationship ended over differences in core values, it is probably best to leave it at that.
    • If your relationship was abusive or traumatic for you, it is also best to move on.

    3. Journal your thoughts. Your thoughts about the relationship and what to do may feel confusing and all jumbled up in your head. You might find it helpful to write out your feelings onto paper to help you sort through them. Take some time before making a decision to process your thoughts fully.

    • Make a pros and cons list of reaching out to or responding to your ex. Maybe your ex was thoughtful and kind, but also very jealous and sometimes controlling.

    4. Assess their actions, not their words. If your ex has reached out to you, they are likely saying a lot of things to try to woo you to be back with them. However, you should remember that actions speak louder than words. If your ex is showing you that they have genuinely changed and want to reconnect, then perhaps it is worth exploring. [3]

    • However, if they are not respecting your space, lashing out at you or rushing you to make a decision, then perhaps that is your sign to cease conversations.

    5. Give yourself time. Even after thinking about what you should do, you may not be able to come to a clear decision for a while. Remember to never act out of confusion. If your relationship is meant to be, it should feel right and natural to you and you should have no hesitations.

    6. Talk to your family and friends.Though you should certainly make your own decisions, your family and friends might have some insights that could be helpful for you. Talking through your thoughts can also be helpful for you in decision making. Ask your family for their opinion of your ex and your past relationship.

    • If all of your family and friends warn you against it, that might be a sign to not proceed. Your friends and family will typically have your best interests at heart.
    • Avoid talking to your single friends unless you trust them completely; sometimes, your single friends might want to keep you single with them.

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